The Truth About Finding Unconditional Love and Fulfilling RelationshipsBook - 2004
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Baer says that the secret to genuine happiness is found in real love, but most of us have grown up with imitation love. Eventually in our relationships, the imitation love is not longer enough, but we can't find real love because we haven't experienced it enough ourselves. Baer proposes that we can't find real unconditional love until we tell the truth about ourselves. As we do that with people who will still love and accept us as we are without judging, we can begin to feel loved, and share that love instead of acting out Getting and Protecting behaviors (lying, attacking, acting like a victim, running, clinging) which are our default settings.
Steps to finding unconditional love: Have a desire to change, exercise faith, tell the truth about yourself, give up getting and protecting behaviors.
note: remember story about baking a cake, and walking across town to bring it to your special person, while every one asks for some or a bite.. that cake will be extra special to your intended recipient if you say no to everyone else. If you give a little here and there, the cake will be "used" and will no longer be a special gift for your friend.(story about keeping your sexuality for the one you marry)
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